The Least of These

To the casual observer, things look just peachy. I laugh out loud and smile often. But if you look long enough and closely enough, you'll see the tears just behind my eyelids. The tears I'm trying valiantly to hold back. But when I'm all alone they come. They come in the middle of the night and awaken me. They come because I know that very soon I'll be saying goodbye to another little one. And Oh Dear Lord it hurts! I know that being a foster parent means that I'll say goodbye to many children. I know they are not mine to keep. But I also know that I can do no less than to love them completely while they are with me, and that means my heart breaks completely when they go. I am so very happy for them, that they find forever families! I pray for them often and for their families, both past and present. But still I hurt. I cry out to God to please give me strength. To please take the hurt away. And then I remember why I do it.

I've been there. Right where they are. I've been in the presence of a parent that was mentally unstable. I've been the child that hid from an abusive step-parent. I've been the child witnessing violence. I've been the little girl violated. I've been the child grown up too fast. I've been the one no one seemed to want. I've been the runaway. And yet, I've also been the one that was shown kindness, and the love of Jesus, by strangers. Those that shouldn't have cared, but did. I've been there, and so I do this. Because to whom much is given, much is required. (Luke 12:48) I have been given much in this life, not the least of which is forgiveness for rejecting the One that only ever loved me, for way too long.

As I spend seemingly each waking moment asking for God to give me strength, crying sometimes, and holding it in during others, I realize that God has ALWAYS been right there by my side, and that He always gives me strength for the tasks that He has given me. (Phil 4:13) He has equipped me and He stands by me. He has shown me in His Word that this is what those that love Him do. (James 1:27) We care for the least of these. Whether temporarily or permanently, it matters not. So, while some seem to think I'm some kind of superwoman for doing this, let me be clear. I am not. I only do this in God's strength.  On my own, I couldn't do it. I would crumble. 

Today, during one of my difficult moments, as I cried out to God for strength, a couple songs came on... and interestingly enough, these same songs are the ones that seem to play each time I start to feel down. Because I just really like these songs, especially in my situation, I thought I'd share them with you. And if ever you feel like maybe you could show the love of Jesus to one of the least of these, let  me know and I'd be happy to share with you how you could get started. Because, really when it comes right down to it, though there is pain, there is so much more joy! And like my husband says: I'll keep my eye on the eternal prize and "just think of the reward' to come. :) Blessings my friends! And thanks for reading.

To Blog... or Not to Blog.

I've been thinking about blogging again, because I just don't have anywhere near enough things going on in my life. (Yes, that was sarcasm... I know. It's not becoming. But it's me, more often than not. You'll get used to it. Or a miracle will happen and I'll actually stop being sarcastic.) I've thrown around a few ideas about what I would blog about in my oh so ample spare time, and I actually have MANY ideas- which of course, is why I even think I want to blog again. I could write about my 30 things in 30 days project- known on some other blogs as the William Morris project. I could write about the interesting struggles and insights I learn while being a foster parent. But then again, I'd probably violate some privacy issue there, and I wouldn't want to do that. I could always find something about homeschooling to write about. Or homemaking. Or meal planning and batch cooking like some of my other favorite bloggers. Or running a theater group. Or being a real food foodie like my friend Amy. Or juicing. Or my favorite: random biblical applications that I think up, like one of my old blogs. In short, so many things I could write about if I only found the time. Maybe I'll invest in the time. I'm not sure I'm a great writer. I tend to write in stream of consciousness, but I enjoy it nonetheless. And it's so much easier than trying to write it in a journal. So here goes. I'm going to start by blogging tonight. And it may or may not be one of the last things you read from me. ;) Today, you're just going to get my 30 things in 30 days list. AKA The William Morris project. It's ostensibly called that because of a quote by William Morris (go figure right?) that says

"Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful."

I've gotten rid of a lot of junk because of this quote in the last few years. In fact, after I started it, I got called a minimalist. (Not a bad thing, but certainly not something I ever expected.) But, unfortunately, my house doesn't stay organized and I tend to start hoarding other things after I get rid of a different set of things. So here is my list. (Disclaimer: I may or may not get everything on this list done in the 30 days or ever. But it is my list. It's a goal. Not a promise. And I actually already started before this blog post. Which is why some things are already crossed out. Oh, and I don't actually have 30 things on my list yet, either....that may or may not change.)

1. Purge and organize junk drawers
2. Purge and organize Robert's clothes and toys 
3. Clean and purge dresser drawers, especially sock drawer
4. Purge closet of clothes I don't wear. Organize remaining clothes
5. Clean all carpets
6. Finish recovering kitchen chairs
7. Paint main kitchen/ living room wall
8. Sand and refinish dining table
9. Organize and purge personal recipe book
10. Organize favorite recipes.
11. Make recipe book for daughters
12. Start scrapbook of foster children
13. Build rail shelving in girls room for books
14. Organize extra clothing for foster children
15. Clean computer desk area
16. Update all homeschool records
17. Organize and clean garage
18. Trim rosebushes
19. Clean all the blinds (since they don't actually get done weekly like they're supposed to)
20. Clean windows
21. Clean rain gutters (if there's a dry weekend sometime this month)
22. Purge and organize school supplies. 
23. Have a yard sale
24. (See, I told you I didn't have 30 things yet.)

Stay tuned for my next installment of writing. Or don't. Because who knows... it may never come. :D Blessings!

Agape: It's Unconditional Love

Are you a Pharisee? Do you ever find yourself in the company of Pharisees? Usually well meaning believers (and sometimes even unbelievers) that believe that in order for God to love us and them, we must believe AND be perfectly good- obeying all His commands and commandments? People that believe that if we sin or slip up, that He won't love us anymore? Let me be perfectly clear: That is a lie from the pit of hell! And don't you believe it for one second! God's love is unconditional. Let me repeat that: UNCONDITIONAL. He loves the saint, the sinner, the believer and the unbeliever all the same! There is NOTHING you or I can do to make Him love us more or less. He even loved Judas- the one He knew would betray Him. He even loves me-- the one He knew would turn from Him time and again. He even loves you--no matter what you've done or will do.

God's love means that He WILL discipline us though. True love requires this. God will use discipline to call us to Himself. He will use discipline to guide us back into His will when we go astray. God will use discipline, ultimately, in letting one pay the consequences of rejecting His love.  Unconditional love means letting us choose whether or not we will love Him in return. It also means receiving the blessings of belief in Him.Everyone knows John 3:16 but there's more to be found in John 3:18... just two verses later.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life....Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God" (emphasis mine)

God is not human and His ways are not our ways. In fact, He is so different from the natural human that His Word says He is beyond understanding. His love is not like ours. We can only hope to try to love as He loves. We can only come close when He is Lord of our lives. Now that we know there's nothing we can do to earn His love, why then should we even bother trying to be holy? Why does it even matter if we sin? Why should we care? We should care because our love for Him should be reflected in how we act, what we say, how we think and in how others see us. We are to be the earthly representation of God to those around us. If you love God, you will WANT to please Him. You will NOT be perfect at it. In fact, sometimes you may not even be good at it. The more you look to God, the more you ask Him for wisdom and to reveal His plan for your life, the more you WILL please Him. We need to make an effort towards godliness.

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge,6 and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness,7 and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.8 For if these qualitiest are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1:5-9 (emphasis mine)

When the Pharisees asked Jesus what the most important commandment was, do you remember what He said? Mark 12:30-31 records it this way:

 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'31 The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these."

Loving your neighbor as yourself means loving them no matter where they are on the spectrum of belief. Love them no matter what. No condition. Knowing that there is no condition to God's love for you. God will discipline those HE sees fit to discipline. God will call those that He will call. God will be Lord to those He will be Lord to. As believers, we are commanded to love. That is how we will show we love the Lord.